I don't know what to say. Hopefully this song can express my feeling.
The rain just now has stopped
The smell of asphalt is floating around the city
Hey, over there too, the weather is fine already right?
For the weather has cleared up from the west
Since you're not a morning person
Everyday, will you be able to wake up properly?
Im still worried about things like that
The spreading sky, the freedom
Although neither of them has changed
Right now, just that its only just that you are not by my side
Let me hear your voice
If we become honest, surely
Well be able to understand each other
Please open your heart
Let me hear your voice
The path we have come is, for us, definitely
An important STEP to that future
The first time I met you was
Around this season right?
The light up street was
Glowing beautifully
The crybaby-you, from that time on, often
Laid your forehead on my shoulder
You were crying right? That extreme warmth
From your touch on my shoulder
Everyone lives, carrying his own worry
Desperately holding his broken heart
Let me hear you voice
If we become more kind
Well be able to love each other
Dont turn away from my eyes
Let me hear your voice
Lets get over those entwined anxieties and loneliness
The feelings of this moment become our bond
Yeah, Since you went away hasn't been the same
In my heart all I got is pain
Could it be that I played a game to lose you, I cant maintain
Sunlight moonlight you lit my life realize in the night
while love shines bright
Cant let you go were meant forever baby let me know
This past without you, Cant forget you
Letting me be the cloud hanging above me
Raining on me missing you touch
Nights get long and its hard to clutch
Were apart breaks my heart
Its all for the best girl youre my world
In time my love unfurls
He will then wait for you girl
Let me hear your voice
If we become honest, surely
Well be able to understand each other
Please open your heart
Let me hear your voice
The path we have come is, for us, surely
An important STEP to that future
04 November 2009
02 November 2009
Relationship Vs Friendship
*ring ring... My handphone rang and I am so happy to see my Baby calling me. I quickly pick up the phone and my Baby ask me to accompany her go swimming before she go out with her friends later. I quickly agree and went ahead to prepare for a nice swim with my Baby.
Just as I was about to leave my house, I suddenly had stomachache. I rush to the toliet with all my stuff in hand(bag, swimming stuff & helmet). I quickly sms my Baby to inform her that I will be late. I scare she will be angry if I'm late. I quickly do my business and fly down to her place. I call her when I reach her house downstairs. After that I went up to wait outside her house cause I really can't wait to see her. However when she open the door, she look so scared and she panic abit. She ask me to wait awhile and she went back inside. I look around and notice that there is another pair of male slipper outside. In my mind, I start thinking if she is back with her ex or could it be Yongan or other family guest. I try to act like I never notice anything and hope she will tell me herself but when she came out, she act so strange. The way she smile also so strange. When we reach the bike, her phone rang and I overheard a male voice speaking in chinese. He said something like I want to go already and my Baby reply "cannot, don't, I explain to you later". After hearing that, I'm sure she is trying to hide something from me. I do not want to say it out cause I really don't want to quarrel with her. I think she sense that I notice something already and keep asking me if I'm troubled. I say no and still hope she can be honest with me and tell me that someone is in her house but she never.
While we are swimming, it suddenly rain heavy and we have to stop swimming. We went to wash up before buying a drink then sit down and chat while waiting for the rain to stop. She know that I'm troubled so she tried to force it out of me but I don't want to say so she is piss off. After that, I got no choice but to said it out. I told her I don't know how to trust her cause she is not open to me. I did not sleep last night cause I'm scare she might go back to her ex after seeing him yesterday. She tell me the person in her house is Yongan and it's her mum that ask him to go. Damn it, Yongan again. Why does she have to hide it? If she tell me from the start, I will not have anyhow think. If it's really her mum that invited him to her house, why is she so scared when she saw me just now? I keep thinking to myself if I can trust her.
Before we can solve it, she say she need to leave cause she meeting her friends and Yongan is outside the swimming waiting for her. Then she just stand up and walk off. So her friends are most important than our relationship? She just walk off to have fun with her friends without solving our problem first? What am I to her? What much she value our relationship? When things are so bad for us, she still got the mood to go out play? I feel so sad. I did not want to stay at the swimming alone cause I know I will become even more emo so I decided to ride under the heavy rain. I do not know why I suddenly no scare of rain anymore and speed my way home. After I took a bath, I was hoping that she will call or sms me and ask if me where am I or if I have reach home. I waited and waited. Finally after almost 1hour of waiting, I got an sms from her but it was nothing as expected. Her sms said "B can transfer me 150?"(It's her own money. She ask me to help her control her salary). I'm damn disappointed. Does she even care about me? She is having fun awhile I am emoing. Haizzzzz............. Edina is encouraging me to let go but is that really what my heart wants?
Just as I was about to leave my house, I suddenly had stomachache. I rush to the toliet with all my stuff in hand(bag, swimming stuff & helmet). I quickly sms my Baby to inform her that I will be late. I scare she will be angry if I'm late. I quickly do my business and fly down to her place. I call her when I reach her house downstairs. After that I went up to wait outside her house cause I really can't wait to see her. However when she open the door, she look so scared and she panic abit. She ask me to wait awhile and she went back inside. I look around and notice that there is another pair of male slipper outside. In my mind, I start thinking if she is back with her ex or could it be Yongan or other family guest. I try to act like I never notice anything and hope she will tell me herself but when she came out, she act so strange. The way she smile also so strange. When we reach the bike, her phone rang and I overheard a male voice speaking in chinese. He said something like I want to go already and my Baby reply "cannot, don't, I explain to you later". After hearing that, I'm sure she is trying to hide something from me. I do not want to say it out cause I really don't want to quarrel with her. I think she sense that I notice something already and keep asking me if I'm troubled. I say no and still hope she can be honest with me and tell me that someone is in her house but she never.
While we are swimming, it suddenly rain heavy and we have to stop swimming. We went to wash up before buying a drink then sit down and chat while waiting for the rain to stop. She know that I'm troubled so she tried to force it out of me but I don't want to say so she is piss off. After that, I got no choice but to said it out. I told her I don't know how to trust her cause she is not open to me. I did not sleep last night cause I'm scare she might go back to her ex after seeing him yesterday. She tell me the person in her house is Yongan and it's her mum that ask him to go. Damn it, Yongan again. Why does she have to hide it? If she tell me from the start, I will not have anyhow think. If it's really her mum that invited him to her house, why is she so scared when she saw me just now? I keep thinking to myself if I can trust her.
Before we can solve it, she say she need to leave cause she meeting her friends and Yongan is outside the swimming waiting for her. Then she just stand up and walk off. So her friends are most important than our relationship? She just walk off to have fun with her friends without solving our problem first? What am I to her? What much she value our relationship? When things are so bad for us, she still got the mood to go out play? I feel so sad. I did not want to stay at the swimming alone cause I know I will become even more emo so I decided to ride under the heavy rain. I do not know why I suddenly no scare of rain anymore and speed my way home. After I took a bath, I was hoping that she will call or sms me and ask if me where am I or if I have reach home. I waited and waited. Finally after almost 1hour of waiting, I got an sms from her but it was nothing as expected. Her sms said "B can transfer me 150?"(It's her own money. She ask me to help her control her salary). I'm damn disappointed. Does she even care about me? She is having fun awhile I am emoing. Haizzzzz............. Edina is encouraging me to let go but is that really what my heart wants?
Fear, Fear & Fear
Lately I been feeling very lost. The feeling that I hate most is coming back to me. I keep telling myself to be careful and not to fall to deep but I can't. I'm just too emotion and emotion is the thing that hurts the most. All these while, I been controlling it rather well until 2 days ago.
That day, my Baby is sick and she went out with her friends until 3am. While on the way home, she called me and telling me how unwell she was. I was very worried and wanted to rush down immediately but it is raining. Since my accident, I been very scare to ride on raining days. However, I know I need to overcome it one day so I decided to ride down to my Baby's house to take care of her. By the time I reach her house, it is about 4am already and I am feeling very sleepy. I do not know if it is because I am tired or it is due to the stressful journey under the rain. Soon after I reach her house, we went to sleep. As morning came, I wake her up for work but as usual, we will lay on the bed hugging one another for awhile. As her bed is a super single size and she is laying in the center of the bed, I do not have much space. I said "Move in abit, I don't have space already. Going to fall down already" and guess what is her reply? "Someone double your size(she means her ex-bf) also like that sleep lor". That very moment, I feel as if a sharp arrow has pierced through my heart. It is so painful that I wanted to scold her but she is sick. :~( So I keep quiet and act as if I went back to sleep. However, the pain become unbearable that I started to tears. Before I know it, I started crying already. WTF. What got into me? I swear that I will never tears for girls anymore but what am I doing? She is the third girl that make me drop tears(1st is my mum then is my ex-wife).
To make things worst, I am tearing now again. Honestly, I start to doubt if I'm a man. Why do I tears so easily? I'm so scared that she might leave me. Now she is at her friend's birthday chalet and her ex-bf will be there too. I remember I ever ask her if one day her ex-bf ask her to go back to him, will she go back? She don't dare to answer me. Haizzz... What is my Baby doing now? :~( My river of tears can't stop flowing.
That day, my Baby is sick and she went out with her friends until 3am. While on the way home, she called me and telling me how unwell she was. I was very worried and wanted to rush down immediately but it is raining. Since my accident, I been very scare to ride on raining days. However, I know I need to overcome it one day so I decided to ride down to my Baby's house to take care of her. By the time I reach her house, it is about 4am already and I am feeling very sleepy. I do not know if it is because I am tired or it is due to the stressful journey under the rain. Soon after I reach her house, we went to sleep. As morning came, I wake her up for work but as usual, we will lay on the bed hugging one another for awhile. As her bed is a super single size and she is laying in the center of the bed, I do not have much space. I said "Move in abit, I don't have space already. Going to fall down already" and guess what is her reply? "Someone double your size(she means her ex-bf) also like that sleep lor". That very moment, I feel as if a sharp arrow has pierced through my heart. It is so painful that I wanted to scold her but she is sick. :~( So I keep quiet and act as if I went back to sleep. However, the pain become unbearable that I started to tears. Before I know it, I started crying already. WTF. What got into me? I swear that I will never tears for girls anymore but what am I doing? She is the third girl that make me drop tears(1st is my mum then is my ex-wife).
To make things worst, I am tearing now again. Honestly, I start to doubt if I'm a man. Why do I tears so easily? I'm so scared that she might leave me. Now she is at her friend's birthday chalet and her ex-bf will be there too. I remember I ever ask her if one day her ex-bf ask her to go back to him, will she go back? She don't dare to answer me. Haizzz... What is my Baby doing now? :~( My river of tears can't stop flowing.
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