Further & Further It Gets

For the past few days, my Baby has been spending lots of time with Yongan. I was jealous but I know she need her freedom. Today I msn and ask if she got any appointment or program and she say no. I was so happy so I decided to go and fetch her from work. I thought she will miss me like I do but she don't seen very happy to see me.

After we reach her house, she suddenly say that she can't forget her ex and want to leave me. She thinks that it is unfair for me cause she don't think she can forget her ex. I don't wish to let go but what's the point of holding on to a empty shell? I'm too tired of living in fear already. I don't want to make the same mistake as what I did before. Once bitten twice shy right?

After she went home, I went to west coast park and think about what she said. Maybe she's right, she might be happier without me. I can't bear to let go but I think I got no other choice. I think I already lose her. I don't even have a tiny bit of her heart. I start to doubt all the things that she said before. I don't know how to trust her anymore so I decided to really let go.

She tried calling me many times but I never pick up the phone cause I don't know how to face her. After her countless number of calls, I finally pick up the phone. She say that she is scared that I will not avoid her and not because she is scare to lose me. =( So I promise her that I will not avoid her and will be like the old days where I'll be there for her whenever she need me as a close friend.

After she put down the phone, I suddenly feel so emo. I not sure what I did was right or wrong. I start to miss her again. I really hope to hug her for one last time but I know if I do that, it will be even harder for me to let go. Alot of peoples say that time will heal everything but the healing process is torturing. Is there anyway to instead heal the pain? I'm feeling so painful now!


I'm scare that our ending will be similar to this MV ending.

Money Money Money

If only I have more money, I will not be so stress now. Finally my house application is canceled but now I own HDB $5223. My Baby birthday is coming soon, no money to buy things for her. I hope I can start work soon but have to wait until 11 Nov then can start... Haizzz... My friend ask me to invest in his business plan and I think that his idea can work but I have not work for months already, where I go find the money? Stress Stress Stress... Will there be anyone out there that will help me reduce my stress? Something I really hope to just end my life once and for all. Then I don't need to be so stress about so many things already. Living is suffering.



I Work all night,
I Work all day
To pay this bills I have to pay
Aint it sad.
And still there
never seems to be
A singel penny left for me
That's to bad

So Near Yet So Far

The path of my relationship is still very rocky. I do not want to give up but our way of relationship is different. We used to be able to chat about anything under the sun but nowadays, she will find me naggy or thinks that I'm wrong. She like things to move her way and not willing to change for me. =( I really hope she can make me trust her cause at the moment, I really don't know how to trust her. When she received an sms, she will hide it from me. When she go out, she will not tell me. Haizzzz... Is that really how a relationship should be? Not completely opened up to the other party? Sometime, she is very lovely to me but she can just suddenly change to become cold with me. I really don't know how important I am to her cause she just keep thinking about letting go. Can't she be more positive? Try to find a solution instead of backing out? She is really a very nice girl and I hope things will work out right. Even though she is with me already but I still feel that her heart is very far from me... Haizzz. But something that Miss Emo said that motivate me and keep me going. It is "at least yours is so near yet so far,mine is so far yet so far". Which is quite true. At least I got a chance to change things. Pray for me please. I really scare to fail again.